


Never Stop Smiling

by chibijazride



Series: Never-Not-Nothing Love [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, F/M, M/M, Spamano; past and one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 07:56:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibijazride/pseuds/chibijazride
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes saying "I love you" doesn't always make people happy, when that's all you ever really wanted: to make sure they were happy, even if it meant sacrificing something dear to you so that they wouldn't know sadness. Having that smile be gone forever would just hurt more than the situation already did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Stop Smiling

**Author's Note:**

> First upload here from my stuff at FF.net! Hopefully, this is up to standards since I mostly see great authors here with really good plots and characterization. Thanks in advance for reading!

* * *

 

" _I love you_."

The softly murmured words sent a spreading warmth through Lovino, making him close his eyes. He could feel the wind-like caress of a hand gently encasing his, slowly rubbing small circles on the skin near his thumb, and the faint brush of lips against his own, as if the delicate wing of a butterfly had fluttered onto them. His right hand was tracing circles on the smooth rim of his glass and if he opened his eyes again Lovino would see that heart stopping, tingly delightful smile drawn up lovingly on Antonio features, the most beautiful emerald eyes watching every little movement…

If Lovino opened his eyes, he would catch sight of the pretty iron fence on the other side of the table with its precisely positioned flower boxes and the muted bustling around of people out on the streets. He would see the clean, white wood table covered with the cream, almost pink in hue, tablecloth. The bouquet of colorful spring flowers, the fine cutlery wear, white and black china, all set out pristinely before him if only he would open his eyes.

A quiet and happily in love laugh broke through to him, eyes finally opening and proving the illusion he had willed to be real, false. The touch of a hand had been just as he'd thought: the wind around him ever so weakly tugging at his clothes and hair. Everything else had come with it, a clever trick that both his mind and heart had created to placate himself with. Maybe they had been part of a tucked away memory somewhere in the back of his mind, pushed there by his once still teenage mind.

He quickly hid his frown with the glass in his hands, taking a long sip. The green eyes he secretly adored were held in trance by dark jade ones, large tanned hands cradling paler ones, and lightly chapped lips were barely centimeters from full pink ones, but none of those things were part of Lovino and they never would be.

"Lovi, are you okay?" Lovino looked up, caught off guard by the Spaniard watching him. He nodded, the couple in front of him, seated at sixty degree angles from him, showing slight worry in their faces. He almost laughed. They had been so absorbed in each other, he had started to wonder if they even remembered he was there.

"I'm fine, stupid," he mumbled out, "Anyways, why did you ask me to join you for lunch… here?" Thankfully, neither of the two had noticed his pause in words. What ever it was, it had to be important; the small café was one of all three's favorite places for a relaxed outing to eat.

Antonio smiled at him, squeezing Emma's hand softly. That was when he noticed the small and simple silver band around her ring finger. Light shone brightly off the satin finish, proudly showing its small princess-cut diamond to the world. Lovino's breath hitched silently as he waited for Antonio to confirm it. A dreading feeling filled him, freezing his heart in place. They had only asked him to come so they could announce their engagement to him?

Eyes flitted back and forth from the blonde to the brunette, catching each other's eyes briefly as if having a silent conversation. Emma was the first to move, taking her hand from the Spaniard's and causing him to pout for second. She smiled, though smaller than before, "Antonio and I are getting married."

The words ripped away a part of him, pulled his heart apart at the seams. Lovino wanted to cry out in rage, do something to stop them before they planned out the wedding. Instead, he swallowed hard, pasting on a slightly shaky smile for their sake. It was small, just the corners of his mouth curling up. "Congratulations, finally someone wants to marry the idiot."

"That's mean!" the older man cried out like a child would. Emma laughed, running a quick hand through his chocolate brown locks. They had bought into the lie. Mentally, Lovino sighed in relief. Those feeling should've been gone by now. How long had it been? Seven, eight years ago? A decade at the most. "But that's not the only thing."

Confused, he glanced questioningly at Antonio, "then what?"

"Do you want to be my best man?" He questioned, succeeding in receiving a glare as an answer. "I-I mean, you don't have to, but I'd love it if you would." Lovino was shot a smile, his mind muddling itself up. "And we're friends, right? We've always been friends."

A "fine," slipped out before he noticed. Acting quickly, he tacked on "but only because you'll keep asking until I agreed." The beating of his heart wouldn't calm down, being best man meant being beside the bride and groom through the whole thing, didn't it? That would be torture to him. Not only was he going to see them plan everything, he'd be at the practice, the preparation, the bachelor party, the church, and the reception-all of it.

Antonio smiled again, thanking him and then saying something like it would turn into the a picture perfect wedding, he wasn't really paying attention at that point, mind reeling with different scenarios of what he would have to endure and all the sickening sweet moments that he would have to watch. For a second, the idea of sabotaging everything passed through his mind, only to be shredded in half at the thought of possibly making the Spaniard a depressed mess.

Their luncheon promptly went along smoothly, mostly Antonio and Emma talking about (arguing playfully) different ideas, colors and the few interjections that Lovino would quickly say to settle something simply because it was getting on his nerves while he tried to get something into his stomach. At one point, he almost slipped back into his illusion of Antonio being in love with  _him_ , but was luckily shocked into reality when the waiter came to drop off their bill.

He scowled, slapping away Antonio's hand when he made for the little, leather receipt book and insisted on paying the bill himself for them in celebration for their engagement. Antonio tried to convince him otherwise, ultimately giving up when Lovino glared at him and snatched the bill towards himself.

When everything was paid for and Lovino was about to part from the couple, he congratulated them again, leaving quickly afterwards when he felt a familiar prickly feeling in his eyes becoming stronger than during the lunch.

Lovino wished his oncoming tears away. He remembered telling himself that he wouldn't let more tears fall than what already had, it was unnecessary and… shouldn't he be happy for Antonio? Happy that Antonio was happy? Hadn't it been one of the last promises he'd made himself?

Walking down the street in a daze, Lovino mumbled out one last thing, "I hope you're happy now." He cracked a watery smile, completely absorbed in old memories of the faint lingering of warm touches and kisses, of softly spoken words, and sweet nicknames that bubbled up on their own account in his mind. He still wished they had never stopped.

_**~ooXoo~** _

"Hello?" Lovino yawned into his hand, sleepily leaning against the open door frame with his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Quickly, he tried to fix up his hair a bit, hoping that it, at least, looked somewhat presentable. He hadn't bothered checking who it was when he dragged himself from his bedroom to answer the door. Though it had to be pretty fucking important to be knocking on the door at… he blearily checked the digital clock near the TV, one a.m. It was fucking one in the  _morning_.

"Lovino?" The warm, deep voice sent his stomach churning uncomfortably; it was hesitant in pronouncing his name and made him suck in an audible breath that was, no doubt, heard from the other side of the doorframe. He blinked, confused as to why Antonio was on his doorstep the day before the big wedding. "Can I come in?"

"What are you doing here, dammit? I was asleep!" He knew his voice was probably hard to understand, filled with the lethargy of sleep, not that he cared. The wedding  _was_  the next day. Shouldn't the groom-to-be be way to excited to sleep  _in his own house_  and  _not_  standing on his doorstep?

He heard a sigh of relief escape the other as he moved to let Antonio in while he rubbed at an eye to fight off sleep. "Thank you, Lovi," Antonio responded with a wilting smile and sat down on one of the plush tan sofas that inhabited the Vargas household. A light chuckle sounded out and Lovino -foolishly, he thought to himself- was reminded of whenever they both had to say up working the night away to finish a project and Antonio would have to stay the night over. They always had the most random conversations, ranging from the stupidest thing they could think of, to planning out their futures… and at that point Antonio would pull him in for a... kiss. Lovino knew it wasn't healthy to dwell on the past, not that he could help it sometimes.

"I'll ask again: why the hell are you here?" he sighed being blunt, the pain filling his chest shouldn't be there anymore. He had known this would happen for a long time. Still, he plopped down across from Antonio, hoping the feeling would go away if he curled up a bit. "You're getting married tomorrow."

"I just wanted to see how you were… is there something wrong with that?" Lovino studied his face, that didn't seem like the real reason he would've crossed half the city to visit him just hours before he was supposed to wake up. He wanted to state that, yes, there was something wrong with that, but he kept his mouth shut.

Instead, he scoffed. "Do I need to remind you again that you're getting  _married?_ " The words made Lovino blink back the tears in the edge of his eyes that always appeared whenever he re-realized that one thing. Antonio gave him a sheepish grin before sighing out heavily. "And I know that's not the real fucking reason you came. Now spill." The anger in his voice was poorly hidden, but he didn't really care. It was too late (or early, whatever) to deal with an onslaught of emotions and an annoying Spaniard. "And this better be important, idiot." He crossed his arms, waiting for an answer from the man who now let his head fall into his hands. Silence rang out between them for a second before Antonio spoke up.

"I'm not sure if I still want to marry her. What if it doesn't work out, Lovi?" Antonio glanced up, eyes wide and hands holding up his head. "Haven't you heard that nearly h-half of married couples divorce later? What if that happens to us? What if Emma suddenly-"

"Shut up," he sighed bitterly, was this part of the best man job? "You love her, don't you?" Lovino received a nod at that. "And she loves you, I know that for sure. Why the fuck are you doubting that  _now?_ Don't get cold feet! If you break her heart tomorrow, I'll make sure you fucking die, got it?" He could hear Antonio try to interject, but he wouldn't let the other try to tell him otherwise. It already hurt so much to say that. The hole in his heart kept growing with every second, if he didn't stop soon he would be engulfed in it, but he just couldn't stop now. " _You_  fell in love,  _you_ proposed to her, and, god dammit,  _you're_ going to-to marry her!"

"Lovino…" Antonio moved to brush his hand against Lovino's face, making him flinch away and blink at him, "you still…?"

"Don't bring that up; we're talking about you not bailing out on your own wedding, bastard." He sent a glare towards the Spaniard. He had already lost what pride he had to show towards the breakup, there was no need in dragging it back up. It was apparent that Lovino still loved Antonio, even if the feeling wasn't returned.

"Remember when your grandfather walked in on us kissing and told us to be sneakier about it?"

A small smile appeared on Lovino's face, contradicting the harsh tone of voice he had, "I said not to bring it up, dammit. Now, shut up about it and promise me you won't just fucking leave Emma at the alter."

"I promise, but you know I didn't mean to…" the guilt was there, silently laced into the words that made neat and clean cuts into him and reassured him at the same time, "well, you know." Lovino shook his head, not wanting to listen any longer, but stayed silent for a bit.

He swallowed, mouth dry and uncomfortable, "why are you bringing it up, Antonio?" For a moment he wanted Antonio to respond with 'because I still love you' and try to win Lovino back. And for a moment he wanted Antonio to go through want he went through if he did say that. He knew it wouldn't happen, but it was always nice to wish, wasn't it? How many times had he wished that Antonio would return, apologize and hold him tightly so he wouldn't leave again? Even after all those years where he was forced into being a simple friend knowing that his love was unrequited.

He had been off in his thoughts when he was finally startled out of them by Antonio's voice, "I don't know." Lovino blinked, heart speeding up at the words, "but I guess I want to make sure that you're okay with this?" The laugh was back and it made him unconsciously smile at the sound, though he quickly pushed it away. "It was selfish of me to ask you to attend my wedding when you still lo-"

"Why the hell are you asking that?"

"You threatened me to marry Emma," Lovino closed his eyes and sighed, "even though you could have convinced me to stay with you… wouldn't you try to do that?"

Lovino swallowed again, hand furling itself around in the fabric of his sleeping pants. "Easy, bastard. You love her, she loves you." Flittingly, he thought if he could restrain himself the next the next. It would be hard. "If I tried that, you wouldn't exactly be happy or even…"

The intake of a breath startled him, "thank you, Lovino. That means a lot." He glanced up at the emerald eyes, a sincere smile playing across his lips. Lovino snorted, waving him off.

"I'm not going to repeat myself though." His voice wavered again, and he could already imagine his reaction to watching the wedding. Antonio nodded vigorously, stifling a yawn as he did so, "And go home, stupid, or you'll look like shit tomorrow and forever look like that in your pictures."

The 'so mean!' he received put him at ease, for a while at least. Antonio left, promising not to ditch since he did love Emma to death and leaving Lovino to fight back the growing dread in his stomach that he just might ruin Antonio and Emma's wedding if he was reminded of the past happiness that was his alone.

 

_**~ooXoo~** _

Lovino sighed and entered the small hallway he was supposed to meet Emma in. It felt like the tuxedo was too tight on him, either that or the church was closing in on him. He still wondered why exactly he hadn't tried to get Antonio back when he was presented his chance the night before (earlier that morning). He knew he hadn't lied, there would've been two losers instead of one if he had.

"Lovino!" He turned towards the voice, smiling slightly at the sight of Emma rushing towards him and enveloping him in a hug.

"Emmy, watch it, you'll get our clothes wrinkled up and shit." She laughed lightly and looked over him before tugging on his tie to fix it.

"You look handsome, you know." Emma sighed and stood back, "I still wonder why you two broke up in the first place. Everyone thought you two would be high school sweethearts." He winced, most everyone had been bringing that up. Comments of pity had been reaching his ears all day and the glances didn't help. He didn't like dwelling on that specific event anymore, it was to stay away in the past, not the present. "Sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, Emmy, and you look beautiful yourself…" And she did with her neatly swept up hair, her long white dress moving along gracefully with her own movements, and the matching pearl necklace and earrings finishing off her bridal look. It almost seemed surreal that he was there, inside the church with a tux on and Antonio already standing in front of the alter waiting for his wedding to the Belgian girl. He tugged at his sleeve nervously, "W-we should get to our places."

She only nodded, stopping him when he started moving away, "Lovino, wait." She was shot a confused glance that made her wave him off and make his stomach flutter. "I always thought our positions would be switched… You know why, right? Antonio seemed like he had always genuinely loved you."

Lovino smiled shakily, "Yeah, things would've turned out differently." He shook his head to get rid of the thought. It seemed weird to imagine their positions switched and his heart immediately sped up. For a long moment they stayed silent, one wanting to apologize to the other for falling in love with the same person and being able to keep him. They knew that even if their places were switched, someone would be unhappy, enduring for the sake of a friend. It was better that way, Lovino had never seen Antonio so happy before.

Emma pouted, before smiling a bit sadly and speaking up. "I wonder if Antonio would be happier if we switched places."

"Don't think that way, dammit. We didn't work out, he… he's happier with you, and as long as Antonio is happy, so am I. But that was always the goal, wasn't it?" Lovino spoke up, clearing away the sob stuck in his throat. So they had both been thinking the same… Emma nodded, teary smile growing bigger. "Now, let's go, the music is going to start. I want… I want you to make Antonio fall in love with you all over again a-and you can't fucking do that while you're still here."

They exchanged a quick hug and small laugh (on Emma's half) before Lovino turned the other way and made his way to the front, taking his spot as best man and receiving a look of pity from the white haired man next to him. He let his eyes wonder the pews and found his brother near the back. They shared a look and Feliciano shook his head. Antonio noticed his arrival and turned towards him, mouthing a 'thank you' with a warm smile towards him. Lovino just waved him off and motioned for him to pay attention to the church doors, ignoring how heavily his heart seemed to have sunk.

It would take all his will not to interrupt the wedding for his own selfishness. Antonio would be marrying the person who made him happy, even if it wasn't him. Lovino wouldn't dare take away that happiness, his ultimate goal had always been to make Antonio so. It was hard seeing it, but he could manage.

He would keep a straight face as Antonio fell in love again as Emma walked the aisle, will away the tears at the vows, bite his tongue afterwards, and not turn away when they kissed happily. He would give them his best wishes at the reception in front of everyone with a smile and clap the loudest for them after their first dance, even when his eyes were stinging from how gently they gazed at each other. If only so a certain Spaniard, who still had a hold of his heart, would have the wedding of his dreams, the perfect moments, and never stop smiling.


End file.
